how do you feel right now?
STOP whatever it is you are doing
are you happy? are you forcing a smile? are you processing the hundreds of things on your mind? are you wishing you had more money? or more time?
Take a deep breath with me... inhale
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hold for 1... 2 ... 3
and exhale
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after what felt like the hardest year of my life, I took a look at the culprit of my unhappiness.
I am burnt out.
I have constant anxiety.
I put too much pressure on myself.
I have been burnt out for a long time; not because I don't love building rockets, not because I don't take time for me and my hobbies, not that I'm not getting exercise, or any of the other common reasons we blame our unhappiness on.
I'm burnt out on the corporate America culture. The "time is money" concept, the hierarchy and politics, the toxic competition all contribute.
Time can only ever be time and we only get a certain amount of it. Money is just money and we can always make more. The hierarchy and politics of the corporate world trick us into thinking that hard work alone can help us ascend the ladder to a higher paying, more rewarding job, all while we combat the toxic co-workers, the impossible expectations, and unreasonable hours for minimal pay.
I have constant anxiety from the expectations other people have for me that I'm afraid I'll never achieve. I am anxious about being able to make a living, about messing up, about so many things. Plus I'm a perfectionist, I always try my best even if it takes a huge toll on me.
Well guess what? Life is not supposed to be perfect and contrary to what we thought as kids, adults have no idea what they are doing. There's no such thing as an "adultier adult". The trick is to go through life doing the best we can for ourselves and those around us that we love. Is it going to be scary or stressful at times? Absolutely, but it's doable.
It's time for a change.
In early 2023, I realized in order for me to be happy I needed to make some drastic changes and challenge a lot of what I thought I knew. I left the company I was working for without having another offer, I rescued a third puppy, and have no idea what I'm doing....but guess what? I'm happier than I've been in a long time.
I started by setting some realistic expectations for myself: I am recovering after a very difficult year and there will be days where I will be incredibly unproductive and that's okay. I am going to prioritize spending time with my dogs and being outside since those two things make me happy. I'm going to find some side projects to earn a living for a while. I am okay on my own.
After my experience at a few aerospace companies I realized that I no longer want to work in the corporate culture that currently exists. So I'm going to challenge it. I am starting my own aerospace company. There are two major focuses for Coterrial Space.
First, I am challenging the corporate culture by partnering with other aerospace companies to build rockets together. I believe the only way we'll become an interplanetary species is by working together and communicating. By sharing common lessons learned without violating NDAs or ITAR/ETAR regulations we will promote technological advancement.
Second, I want to change the politics. Incorporating information we have from psychology about how people focus, we will improve efficiency in the rocket industry. With emphasis on mental health and work-life balance, we will retain our employees will growing steadily. Additionally, a committee based approach will use the process of "communal discernment" to make decisions. Teams and sub-teams will each have committees specific to their focuses. This process will challenge "majority", "unanimous", and individual leader decision making processes.
Within 6 hours of making this decision I had a website, social media, and what I'm calling an "escalator" plan (since it's a little longer than elevator).
I know that it will take time to create my business plan executive summary, seed deck, and obtain the necessary funding but I'm excited to have started the process.